Illnesses, especially when chronic and invisible, can be extremely life debilitating. Our impulse is to think we need fixing from a place of lack and/or hate, leading to more malaise. We battle the symptoms on a superficial level hoping for their abolition, and it is in that state of fight and resistance, we tend to create more havoc.
Invisible illnesses in particular, are imperceptible to most and so, it’s easier for us to think we need to suffer alone. This post addresses anxieties, which I have found almost every single person has experienced them at some point in their life- if not, lives with them on a regular basis.
It took me years to understand that whatever I suffered from need not be my identity and to shift my perception from seeing symptoms as reigns over my life to messengers (and even, blessings) to work with.
The more we physically experience something, the more we cling to it as our identity. If that experience and so, the resulting feeling is discomforting and painful, we see it as a problem and work against it till its annihilation. We carry maladaptive beliefs and subconsciously, often attach stories to our symptoms that cause us greater harm than the actual manifested feeling.
As with all matters in life that we deem a challenge, a shift in perspective from our symptoms as problems to parts of our life (and not us) to embrace and harness can unburden us immensely.
Anxiety is a natural response that is part of our evolution. It helps us become more cautious and prepares us on a biological level to flee situations of danger. We need to keep this in mind: it is a mechanism that is here to protect us but the question is, protect us from what?
I experienced breakdowns and severe panic attacks for many years as teenager- they came to an end when I learned to keep the feelings and process company, without wanting to speed or alter it knowing it is necessary, cleansing, and passing. I kept them company with detached awareness and playful inquisitiveness. Whenever I encounter discomfort, pain, and anxieties today, I run towards them rather than away from them. I welcome them with equanimity and interest.
Leaning into our fears- in whatever manifestation they translate into- is the sole way for us to learn the language of our anxieties and dig to their roots so we can dismantle them with time through understanding, kindness, and love.
I believe anxieties aren’t in the way of things, they’re THE way. Instead of trying to change them, we must work with them. We need to get to know our anxieties with light curiosity, feel them acutely, ask them the right questions, and observe the stories generated behind them that provide the fuel for their internal existence. We need to explore our maladaptive beliefs and self-create and install healthier ones. It is through that patient deconstruction that we’re more able to shift, instead of immerse ourselves in unnecessary panics.
Thus, next time you’re experiencing anxieties, do not allow yourself to wallow in them as your brain preoccupies with the wrong thoughts. Rather, pause. Get still, breath deep into the tensions and listen closely allowing everything to simply be as is. Really listen to the messages beyond the mental chatter, and with loving compassion. Be IN your body and allow it to speak without having to move or fidget. Being in our body sometimes means experiencing pleasure and other times, pain yet, behind the emotion there’s a dialogue occurring that we need to attune to as we allow things to just be and ebb and flow without fuelling.
What are the voices telling you? Where are they asking you to look? What actions are they promoting?
What are the voices afraid of? What do they find the need to protect you from?
Write everything down.
Ask them these questions and suggest if you need that protection to begin with. It might just be that you’re anxiously reacting to past threats and not present ones.
Bring consciousness into the presence remembering that our bodies act as the subconscious mind, easily frozen in times of trauma. Reassure yourself and body that you’re safe.
As you meditate- sit upright, close your eyes, and breathe deeply till calm- imagine a younger you and repeat healing sentences to yourself such as:
“Dear Little Me/Body, I see and feel your pain. You have done so well to have endured such challenges of the past. You did the best you could. I am proud of you and eternally grateful. Today, I am a responsible adult that will protect you. Today, you need not worry or fear. I love you and promise to do my very best to take care of you.”
Such sentences, repeated in a state of inward calm, reprogram our subconscious beliefs and help us release our fears so we can be present to ourselves and life today.
Through providing the space for your anxieties to surface as teachers, putting the effort to understand and befriend them, and breathing into your body- you activate the logic to attend today and slowly, let go of irrelevant coping reactions and mechanisms of the past.
With more intimate time with yourself, you become less likely to get carried away with your anxieties nor feel hijacked by your emotions because you’re aware of why your fears are provoked in the first place. You become present to who you are and the circumstance of today. You understand discomfort is necessary to your growth and expansion, welcome it, and adapt to navigating it efficiently.
Image: Traveling Salesman, 2018 – Ongoing © Esther Hovers
