There is one question I am asked during my consultations,”Why?” It comes in several forms, of which:
“Why am I plagued with illness?”
“Why do I end up in the same circumstances?”
“Why do I keep loosing to death in this life?”
“Why do awful tragedies happen to me?”
“Why do I find it hard to meet and be with a partner?”
“Why” often comes along with a sense of being ‘cursed’ or lacking ‘luck’.
In Constellations, there is an impression that finding the source of our pain- the “one reason” and that particular point in our past family history- is the salve that sets our healing into motion.
In truth, the “why” does not matter. It is not a prerequisite to heal. “Why” is only a comfort for the mind that forgets. Yet, the soul, it knows all along. It chose your life, exactly at it is unfolding and it is never separate from the whole.
Even when we do find the event or lost connection at the root of our challenges and losses, the wear and tear of everyday life seems to spur amnesia and invite a return to confusion, ambivalence, self-sabotage, and unmitigated destruction.
If there is one thing I have experienced in my journey and especially anchored in what we call the “Knowing Field” during constellation sessions it is that you can complete the past, change every relational dynamic in the present, and create an aligned future through changing your relationship with yourself and purifying your own heart.
The work is not in seeking knowledge but in opening our heart to accept. It is to grow from the child that is in longing into the adult that is listening and caretaking. It is to widen your gaze and wake up to the programs running your life as habits and patterns and confront and integrate what you have repressed in the shadow.
It suffices to set the intention to remain awake and navigate life through your heart.
It suffices to ground in Source and focus on love, allowing that to penetrate every fibre of your being and lineage.
The reality is that well-being isn’t bestowed upon us, just as it wasn’t upon those who proceeded us. Wise and balanced practice, rooted in self-compassion and a gentle commitment to forward movement, makes space for ongoing healing. Perhaps the difference between us and those behind us is that we have the latitude to see the necessity of reconciliation; to include the excluded. Still, we need new scaffolding to reinforce insight and the process of burgeoning self-awareness.
Instead of being preoccupied with what was, we need to call back our energy from leaks and put them in creating what is. To actively do differently to dissolve the cobwebs keeping you in the comfort of lamenting with, exploding in polarising self-righteousness and staying essentially the same.
Besides, there is requirement for continually choosing conscious engagement; a desire to stay awake no matter the triggers surrounding you. Sometimes I, too, fall asleep especially during this period of isolation. As I close my eyes, it feels as though the world fades but it is me that is withdrawing. My internal images from the past take over and feel real, manifesting in present. Putting my focus on my past ensures I stay asleep, but an acceptance, or even allowance, of what is and practicing self-compassion cradles me to open my own eyes and arms wide, to set out again, to engage with the larger world, and look beyond the horizon. In this engagement, I am often asked to take steps (perhaps I occasionally fall asleep to avoid them) in order to keep my commitment to moving forward, warm in my mantle of compassion:
Is it time to depart this land?
Am I being called to say goodbye to a beloved?
Need I challenge my body and embrace discomfort further?
Maybe there are consequences of my avoidance to face?
Lingering debris of grief to process and transmute?
Or maybe, it is time I simply receive the welfare I’ve been reaping?
It’s very difficult to engage with the obvious and current when you’re entangled with stories of the past and committed to a vision of ‘what was’ rather than envisioning the beauty ahead of you calling your tending to blossom. You must unload before you can embark on the path of forward.
I invite you to put your energy in today, and not yesterday. Trust your body to integrate and your soul work to penetrate all timelines and heal effortlessly. Let go, and let be. When your mind wanders, call your energy back into the body. Consider that what you deemed a ‘curse’ may be a blessing. Practice presence, compassion, softness, and engagement towards a vision that is ahead of who you’re actively choosing to become and the world you are devoted to creating.
To co-creating tomorrow beyond what we’ve endured,
Salma
Image: © Jose Ramirez, Family Gathering, 2003
